Love Nakia

As a girl growing up I didn’t learn about womanhood. Sure I learned about the biology of a woman but that was it. Even as i became older and more mature I did not have adult conversations about who I was becoming as a woman. I didn’t learn how to apply make up or the right spots to put perfume, how to properly shave and wax, or the difference styles of panties. In my home that was all adult things and I didn’t need to know them. Make up was chapstick, perfume was body spray from bath and body works, the only thing shaved was underarms, and all you wore were cotton briefs. Imagine how it felt to leave home and figure out all these things on your own because you are too embarassed to tell a friend and you never had that type of relationship with the women in your family that you could go to them about it. Growing up as a basic chick when inside you want to be a bad bitch.

I did not learn much about embracing my body, working out, and self love. I developed a curvy body early on due to being active and athletic, and if I wore really feminine clothing I was accused of being “too grown”. There was no middle ground for educational growth. I struggled with wanting to be feminine but being forced to be a tomboy. I started dating and had zero knowledge of who I really was. I started having serious adult relationships and had no idea how to be flirtatious or sensual. At that point in my life I didn’t even understand my sexuality, I was just doing what I assumed to be normal.

Imagine trying to date and figure out what type of panties you actually like, lol yea great times. I started to learn and understand myself more in my mid 20s. And I learned the things I should have already known about being a woman. But it was still hard to be feminine and sensual. I was dressing more feminine in my opinion but make up was still foreign as well as understanding real friendships with other women. I was very much still in a place of being an awkward girl. It was a difficult time. I was raised to be responsible and have good sense and I do but I still lack elements of sensuality and femininity.

I implore women who have daughters, sisters, nieces to please talk to them. Leave the lines of communication open for them to come to you about anything. I wish that I had that growing up. So many things would be easier for me to deal with. As for now I’ve taught myself a lot and I will forever be grateful for that. I am still learning about myself and my body. I read often and talk to close friends about things. It has been fun learning what my style is and stepping outside of my comfort zone. Teaching myself how to own my sensuality and feminine wilds has definitely been an experience. Taking time to learn and love myself has been a journey that I am happy to be on.

Given what current society standards are I feel its important for girls to learn about themselves and about becoming women the closer they get to adulthood. Teaching the basics of biology is just not enough. Understand that teaching girls and helping them navigate through more mature topics does not force them to grow up, it does not encourage early sexual behavior. It does help them become acquainted with themselves socially and mentally. Be there for them while they try to navigate this world and the expectations thrust upon them. Be honest and open with them. I always say that if I get lucky enough to have a daughter that I want our bond to be amazing from the start so that it doesn’t become something I have to work on later.