Love Nakia

We are often expected to figure out what it takes to love someone else before we truly learn to love ourselves. Then we go out into the world to live life and we struggle to be ourselves. It’s not until we have already been through the hurt and pain that we gain enough knowledge or experience to finally practice discernment. But why is that?

Have you ever truly stood at florist and smelled the flowers? Admired the beautiful colors, looked at what they represent? No? So how is that we expect a potential love interests to know that roses actually make you sneeze and that tulips make you smile but only the yellow ones. You don’t even know that about yourself YET. We are not set up to live have happy lives. We are set up to settle and to endure the worst even though our bodies and minds are telling us it’s really not ok. We have been conditioned to go through the fire just to figure out we saw smoke a long time ago.

Growing up we aren’t allowed to really date or have those experiences that start to help us learn who we are. We have friends and our parents simply can’t fathom to teach us how to navigate those “friendships” because to them we are too young to have those feelings. Truth is we did have those feelings and they were real to us and that was important for us to navigate through. Most of us didn’t get to experience that openly and we grew into adults who were used to hiding friendships and relationships. We became adults who didn’t know how to express ourselves because we couldn’t in our homes and we didn’t learn to as adolescents. Now here we are good and grown and can’t tell a man that we actually hate roses. We settle for things because as little girls we didn’t learn to express ourselves, we learned to just be grateful.

When is the last time you spent genuine alone time with yourself? Did you plan it or was it just happenstance? Did you do the things you always do or did you try something new? If you haven’t dated yourself, then you should. Doesn’t matter if you have a spouse or not, take yourself out and do something you have been wanting to. Buy yourself the flowers you really want. You know the ones that make you smile from the inside out. While you are out think about what you are really enjoying about this time alone. Aristotle said “To know oneself is the beginning of all wisdom”. It’s time to wise up!

I used to make it a point to take myself out once a week to just enjoy my own company. Those were relaxing and great times. I would go to the gym, go get a drink, get a good meal with dessert. It was my time to simply relax and put me first. And it was the best thing for me. I came home refreshed and ready to take on whatever was waiting for me. I needed that time to stay grounded in myself and to just love on me. I learned what I needed and what I no longer wanted. I figured out what made me smile, what helped me relax, and what I wanted from those around me. Honestly I don’t know why I stopped dating myself but I do know that I miss it and I will definitely be doing it again. It’s necessary for growth and for learning that my happiness ultimately comes from me. Let me plan my next date for myself!